29 November 2008

Cameroonian hell

A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to 
Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an 
electric chair for an hour.
They lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'.

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the 
USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the Cameroonian Hell
And finds that  there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
The Cameroonian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
'But that is exactly the same as all the other hells.
 
Why are there so many people waiting to get in? 'asks the man.
'Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.
The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.

And, on top of it, the Cameroonian devil used to be a Civil Servant,
So he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business

12 July 2008

JuJu dancers in Bafut

there were a group of guys dancing in a juju group in Bafut.
You know the respect these guys ...i mean 'JuJu' are given.
On one great occasion....at the Fon palace these guys were dancing and
all of a sudden Ngwa stepped on a piece of broken glass.
He told Niba that he was bleeding and Niba said
Tangse....Ngwa Tangse.....meaning Ngwa Tie heart.
Ngwa Replied...Tangse Ma'oh....
Tie Heart Your Mammi.

22 March 2008

country fuck

Ma Elie Left Cameroon in her late thirties and came to Europe
she had not married before because of circumstances beyound her control
actually she was 39
so as the say a ffool at 40 is a fool for ever...

any Ma Elie lived in Denmark for a long time and found no one to be servicing her....
so one day she decided to get it done b4 its too late...
well she got this yong guy and when they started...
the guy did not realise that she is impatient and go directly to the point.

well he stayed... thinking women of today love foreplay...so he continued...
and Ma Elie started feeling bored and got angry and said...
Ma Pikin abeg Fuck me Contry Fuck!!!!
na which kind style dis!!!!

small fuck!!

I remember when i was in secondary school in downtown Bamenda
and one serious morning we were at the assembly ground and an Angry
mother on her way to the farm droped by in shcoool with
her child tied behind her back and a hoe on the other hand to attend a querry from the principal about her daughter

well as i gather it seems her daughter was dismissed because of missconduct
later I found out she had jumped the fence and went out for to make love with her boyfriend
anyway lets.... get to why the mom was in school
so she knocked at the principal's office...

Mr Principal...abeg comot outside i want know why u dismiss my pikin
the principal replied that she misbehaved and....had to be punished...
but before he finished the mother interupted him and said....

eh.hm so because e go fuck....!!!!
so na small fuck way pikin go fuck na ye way u dismiss yi?
just small fuck so...showing the tip of her finger......

but before the Principal could stop her from using such indecent language...
she said her worse....
a say-eh Mr Principal ...you ..you dey so you no di fuck?

the rest of the school assembly and the teacher could not hold it anymore...we all burst into laughter...even the teachers....while struggling to control us with wips...they still could not stop laughing.

05 October 2007

Cameroon drinkers and Paul Biya

Well.... i was discussing with a Nigerian friend of mine the other day when
i realised we (cameroonians) are very different from the other Africans.
Well i accept it...Cameroonians drink a lot.

So this guy told me that drinking a lot was an understatement to describe a Cameroonian
He said...they (Cameroonians) drink a lot so much
so that their Presidents name is Paul Beer.....(pronounced Biya)
....i choked with laughter.

28 September 2007

My own Sisters

A young man went to his father one day to tell him
that he wanted to get married. His father was happy
for him. He asked his son who the girl was.
The young man

told his father that it was Siqwati a girl from the village hood.
With a sad face the old man said to his
son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The
girl you want to marry is your sister, but please
don't tell your mother." The young man again brought 3
more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause
the response was still the same. So he decides to go
to his mother.

"Mama I want to get married but all the
girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I
mustn't tell you." His mother smiling said to him,"
Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls.
You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father

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